The OTP: HideKane
by HideKane14SasakiHaise
Summary: Me quoting a bunch of stuff you don't care about and shipping Hide and Kaneki.
1. Chapter 1

"It's surprisingly hard to make a good cup of coffee isn't it?"

"H-Hide?" said a rather surprised Kaneki Ken.

Hey, Kaneki." said Hide, coming out of the shadows.

"Why are you here?" whispered Kaneki. "Oh, and this is an eye tattoo."

"Kaneki, stop pointing at your eye! I new like, the whole time and, for some strange reason, felt it best not to tell you." said Hide plainly.

"That still doesn't explain why you're here!" yelled Kaneki.

"Oh yeah. I guess the CCG was really desperate because, they asked me ,the mailman, to fight in this battle." said Hide.

"Are you hurt?" asked Kaneki.

"Yeah. I'm on like, the edge of death." answered Hide.

"Well in that case, I should get you to a doctor before you die." said Kaneki, picking up Hide.

"Owwww!" screamed Hide.

"What's wrong!?" yelled Kaneki.

"You put your hand right on my cut!" whispered Hide.

"Oh. Sorry..." said Kaneki, licking the blood off his hands.

" You're supposed to be saving me, not eating me!" yelled Hide.

"Oh yeah..." said Kaneki. "That's too bad... You really do taste good..."

As Kaneki carried Hide to a doctor, people were staring at them and making them feel uncomfortable.

"Where is the doctor anyway?" asked Kaneki.

"I dunno." answered Hide.

"I'll go ask that weird guy with the stitches." said Kaneki.

"Good idea." said Hide

"Hey, do you know where we can get some medical aid?" asked Kaneki.

"Hey! You're the ghoul I stole 300 yen from! Sorry about that! My name is Juuzou." He said.

"Well, were's the doctor, Juuzou?" said Kaneki.

"Your a dangerous ghoul aren't you? I'm surprised no one has attacked you yet. It's probably because of your friend." said Juuzou.

" YOU'RE NOT EVEN PART OF THIS SHIP! JUST TELL ME WHERE I CAN FIND A DOCTOR!" screamed Kaneki.

"Fine. Over there." said Juuzou, pointing.

" Thank you!" said Kaneki running to where Juuzou pointed.

"Come on. I want a ship too." said Juuzou.

"Don't worry. You'll get one one day." said some random guy.

"AHHHH! Some random guy!" screamed Juuzou, running away.

"Is Hide going to be okay?" asked a very nervous Kaneki Ken.

"He'll be fine! Don't worry!" said the doctor.

"Good. Come on Hide, let's go home." said Kaneki, picking up Hide.

"It's alright Kaneki, I can walk." said Hide.

"Tough shit." said Kaneki, sticking out his tongue.

"That's extremely out of character!" whispered Hide.

"I know!" said Kaneki, walking to Hide's apartment.

"Well, we're here!" said Kaneki, walking into to Hide's apartment.

"Kaneki..." said Hide.

"Yes H-" said Kaneki, interrupted by Hide kissing him.

"Your adorable." said Hide.

"Thank you" said Kaneki, leaning over to kiss Hide.

"Kaneki I'v- Oh I see how it is! Your gay aren't you! You got my hopes up for nothing! Why are you so adorable!" said Touka Kirishma, bursting in the door.

"Hey, you're not the only one who thinks so!" said Hide, hugging Kaneki.

"Whatever!" yelled Touka, bursting into tears and running out the door.

"My Kaneki!" said Hide, hugging Kaneki.

"Anyway..." said Kaneki, kissing Hide.

"What's going on!" yelled Ayato Kirishima, bursting in the front door.

"Why are you here!" said Kaneki, breaking away from Hide.

"My sister is crying and yelling and telling me to beat you up!" answered Ayato.

"She's just jealous because I get Kaneki all to myself." said Hide.

"Do you want me to break all your bones this time?" asked Kaneki.

"I now support HideKane!" said Ayato.

"Good. Now leave!" screamed Kaneki.

Ayato ran out the door.

"Glad that's over." said Hide, hugging Kaneki.

"Me too." said Kaneki, kissing Hide.

"My Kaneki! What's this I hear!" said Shuu, running in the door.

"What the hell are you doing here!?" yelled Kaneki.

"Your Kaneki! My Kaneki!" screamed Hide.

"Go the hell away!" yelled Kaneki.

Shuu rushed out the door saying "I didn't know you were gay!"

"Let's lock the door this time." said Kaneki.

"Agreed." whispered Hide. "I'm tired."

"Let's go to bed Hide." said Kaneki, pecking Hide's cheek.


	2. Chapter 2: The Rejection of Tsukiyama

Kaneki Ken woke up on Hide's bed with Hide sleeping right next to him.

"I'll make him breakfast while he's still sleeping." he thought, getting up to make it.

"I'll make eggs, waffles, and bacon!" thought Kaneki, breaking eggs and frying them.

"I ought to make coffee too..." Kaneki thought when he was done.

"Morning, Kaneki! This for me?" said Hide, coming in to the room.

"Well... yeah.. It's not like I can eat it..." answered Kaneki.

"Can I have some of that coffee too?" asked Hide.

"'Course you can." said Kaneki, handing Hide a cup.

"As the Americans say.. It's the best part of waking up!" said Hide.

"How did you know the brand was Folgers!?" Kaneki asked.

"Can I see your kagune?" asked Hide.

"Why?! It could hurt you! I don't want my Hide hurt!" said Kaneki.

"Please... For me?" said Hide, giving Kaneki puppy eyes.

"Fine! But only because that's the cutest thing ever!" said Kaneki, taking off his shirt and bring out his kagune.

"Cool! It's kind of squishy!" said Hide, poking it.

"Don't touch it!" yelled Kaneki.

"Fine... I'll hug it!" said Hide, hugging Kaneki's kagune.

"Stop!" said Kaneki, putting back his kagune.

"You're no fun... I'll just have to hug your bare chest then!" said Hide, leaping on Kaneki.

"Awww! Hide you're adorable..." said Kaneki, hugging Hide back.

"I have an idea! You should get your stuff from your old apartment and move it in here!" said Hide.

"Great idea!" said Kaneki.

"While you're doing that, I've got something to do in the shopping district so... Yeah.." said Hide.

"Okay..." said Kaneki. "I'll go get my stuff."

"Hello. I'm Kaneki Ken. Can I have the key to my apartment?" Kaneki said to the lady at the desk.

"Why is your hair white? You look nothing like him. Not that ever I've seen him..." answered the lady at the desk.

"My social security number is 2224222222222." said Kaneki.

"Here is the key, Kaneki." said the lady, giving him the key.

"Here is my apartment." said Kaneki, unlocking the door.

"My Kaneki! Why did you choose that fool instead of me?!" cried Shuu, coming out of the shadows.

"Shuu!? How did you get in!?" screamed Kaneki.

"I broke the window. But, why, why didn't you choose me!?" replied Shuu.

"Your a creep! Why did you break the window open!?" yelled Kaneki.

"I love your scent!" answered Shuu.

"Not a good enough answer!" said Kaneki, pushing Shuu out the broken window.

"Looks like Shuu is blasting off again!" yelled Shuu, falling to the ground.

Well, better pack up my stuff..." thought Kaneki.

When Kaneki got back to the apartment, after paying the lady at the desk for the broken window and telling her he just moved out, Hide was not there. This worried Kaneki quite a bit.

"I should go look for him." thought Kaneki.

When Kaneki reached the shopping district he looked in shop windows and alleyways till there was only one alleyway left. He heard kicking coming from it and peaked inside.

"Kaneki?" said a small voice he recognized as Hide's. "What are you doing here?"

"Get the hell away from my future husband!" screamed Kaneki, bring out his kagune. "Don't fuck with a ghoul, hasn't anyone ever told you that!?"

"Oh my god! a real ghoul!" said the guy running away.

Kaneki put back his kagune and picking up Hide.

"Did you really mean that?" asked Hide.

"What, don't fuck with a ghoul?" said Kaneki.

"No. That I'm your future husband." answered Hide.

"Of course cutie!" said Kaneki, kissing Hide. "Let's go home."

"What did you buy anyway?" asked Kaneki, when they reached the apartment.

"These..." replied Hide, holding up two shirts, one that said "Hide is mine!" and another that said "Kaneki is mine! Not Touka's!"

"Oh Hide I love them!" cried Kaneki, putting on the one that said "Hide is mine!"

"Can I have lunch?" asked Hide.

"Here have this!" said Kaneki, grabbing bread,bacon, lettuce, and tomato and making a sandwich out of it.

"Yum I love BLT's!" said Hide, taking a big bite of his sandwich.

Little did they know they were being watched by none other the... Shuu!

"Aren't I part of the team too!" thought Shuu. "I know! I'll play dead in Kaneki's tracks! He'll give me mouth-to-mouth and he'll say he loves me!"

As Kaneki and Hide went out for a walk Shuu collapsed in front of them. Kaneki shrugged and walked right over him.

"Kaneki! Don't you care!" yelled Shuu.

"No!" screamed Kaneki. "I love Hide."


	3. Chapter 3: Were it Crosses wKeenanKel

"How do I get Kaneki's attention!?" thought Touka Kirishima, pacing her room.

"What's up sisbro?" asked Ayato Kirishima, appearing at the door. "Something bothering you?"

"Ayato, how do you get a guy's attention?" said Touka.

"Kaneki's gay and Shuu told me he said he loved Hide." said Ayato.

"Get outta my 'ouse!" yelled Touka.

"So Hide, do you want to go see a movie?" asked Kaneki Ken, holding hand's with Hide as they walked down the street.

"I don't want to watch the movie, if you know what I mean..." replied Hide.

"Sounds good to me." said Kaneki, heading toward the movie theater.

"You're a great kisser." said Hide.

"You are too." replied Kaneki. "We're already halfway through the movie!"

"How's it going?" whispered a voice behind them.

"Touka!" yelled Kaneki, various people in the crowd shhhed him.

"Whoa is me!" replied Touka Kirishima.

"Are you following me? Are you after me like Shuu?" asked Kaneki.

"How unladylike that would be- Of course I am, dumb ass!" yelled Touka. "Wait, Shuu is after you?"

"Yes."

"That weasel!" yelled Touka, people now shhhing her."Is it true... Is it true you're gay?"

"Yes. I love Hide." said Kaneki.

"Kaneki is mine." added Hide, pointing to his shirt.

"Not Touka's! How did you make that?!" cried Touka, bursting into tears. "Whatever!"

She then ran out of the theater, straight home.

"Too bad there's more drama in the back seats then in the movie!" yelled some random guy in the crowd. Everyone laughed at his joke.

"AHHH! Some random guy in the crowd!" screamed Juuzou, jumping out of his seat and running out the door.

Kaneki and Hide shrugged and started making out again.

"What should we do for dinner?" asked Hide, walking down the street with Kaneki.

"We could go out for dinner!" said Kaneki.

"Alright! How about Good Burger?" said Hide.

"Good Burger it is!" said Kaneki.

"Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, may I take your order?" yelled the guy at the desk, who, for some strange reason, looked exactly like Kel from Keenan and Kel.

"One large Good Burger, one large pack of fries, and a fountain drink." said Hide.

"Okay. That will be 1,000 yen." said Kel. I mean the guy at the desk.

Kaneki handed him 1,000 yen.

"Here's your order." he said, handing them a burger, fries, and a large cup.

"AHHHH! Kel! I mean some random guy at the desk!" screamed Juuzou, running out of the shadows and out the door.

"He's following us." said Kaneki.

"I'll get my drink while you find us a seat." said Hide, walking away.

"Okay." said Kaneki.

"Here are some good seats." thought Kaneki, sitting down.

"Hello Kaneki." said Shuu, coming out of the darkness.

"Why are you following me! You're just like that creep Juuzou!" yelled Kaneki, everyone looking at him.

"No! It's not what you think!" cried Shuu.

"I don't care what you think I think! You're such a creep!" screamed Kaneki.

"Looks like Shuu is blasting off again!"

"Stop saying that!" yelled Kaneki.

"What's up?" asked Hide. "I got you a coffee."

"Thanks. It was just that creep Shuu.." answered Kaneki.

"Him again? You should get a restraining order!" said Hide.

"You hear the voices of the far shore?" said Touka Kirishima, coming out from under the table. "And Hide, you got some nice legs!"

"Why you!" said Kaneki. You're no better then Shuu or Juuzou!"

"How rude!" screamed Touka, starting to cry.

"Well, that's over with." said Hide, eating his food.

"Let's hope they don't bother us again." said Kaneki.

"Well, I'm done with my food." said Hide, eating his last fry.

"Good Hide. Let's go home." said Kaneki.

"I'm tired. Hurry and open the door." said Hide.

"I'll pick you up then." said Kaneki, picking up Hide and coming in the door.


	4. Chapter 4: The Proposal

When Kaneki Ken awoke, Hide was staring at him with admiration.

"You are so cute!" he said.

"You are too, Hide!" answered Kaneki.

"I made myself breakfast, so you don't have to worry about that." said Hide.

"Speaking of which, I'm going to the bridge today..." said Kaneki.

"What...! Oh, you need to eat." said Hide.

Kaneki's eye turned red.

"You better eat..." whispered Hide.

"See ya, Hide!" said Kaneki, after he was done changing.

 _There he goes! Good thing he didn't notice his peeping tom!"_ thought Shuu, looking through Hide's bedroom window.

 _I wonder what Hide's up to..._ thought Kaneki, walking back home.

"Kaneki?" said a voice behind him.

Kaneki stopped dead in his tracks, then continued walking. "Go away, Shuu." he said.

"Shuu! It's crybaby Touka!"yelled Touka, starting to cry.

"Oh. Sorry Touka. Have a good day." said Kaneki, running back to Hide's apartment.

"We should team up to do this little job." said Shuu.

"Agreed." answered Touka. "This job needs to be done."

"We both need Kaneki." agreed Shuu.

"Hide?"

"Yes, Kaneki?"

"Do you love me?"

"Very much so."

"I love you too."

"Let's do this!" screamed Touka, bursting in the door and bringing out her kagune.

"It should be easy!" yelled Shuu, appearing beside her.

Kaneki brought out his kagune. "It won't work." he said. "I'll die before Hide does." "Well, we don't want to kill you! We're here to murder Hide!" cried Touka. "We want you!"

"Well, before I die, Kaneki, will you marry me?" asked Hide on one knee.

"Of course I will!" said Kaneki, putting on the engagement ring.

Touka and Shuu's jaws dropped. Then they both burst into tears and ran out the door.

"I love you, Hide."

"I love you too Kaneki."


	5. Chapter 5: Family Movie Night

"This is the best breakfast ever!" yelled Hide. "How do you cook so well, Kaneki?"

"I don't know..." said Kaneki. "I guess it's just a trait..."

"Anyway, Kaneki, I have to got to work." said Hide.

"Alright..." sighed Kaneki. "What will I do when your gone? I'll be extremely bored..."

"You could do the laundry..." answered Hide.

"Oh, fine." said Kaneki. "But what will I do when I'm done?"

"How about plan our wedding?" said Hide.

"Good idea!" beamed Kaneki. "That will take me hours and I won't get bored! Hide, you have the best ideas!"

"I know!" said Hide.

^^.

"How disgusting!" said Shuu, watching from outside Hide's window, on the fire escape. "That should Be me instead of Hide!"

"Or me." said Touka, suddenly appearing beside him.

"Ahhhhh! Oh, Touka, you frightened me so!" screamed Shuu.

"Yeah, she does that sometimes." yelled Ayato, appearing beside Touka.

"Ahhhh! Oh, Ayato, you frightened me so!" screamed Touka, mockingly.

"What are you two doing?"asked Ayato.

"What does it look like, dumb ass?!" yelled Touka. "We're creepily watching Kaneki wedding plan!"

"You mean there-?" said Ayato, interrupted by Shuu and Touka bursting into tears.

"Y-Yes! It-It's t-tr-true!" cried Shuu, sobbing uncontrollably. "Looks like Shuu is blasting off again!"

Shuu and Touka then ran away as fast as they could.

"Would you guys keep it down a little! I'm trying to wedding plan!" yelled Kaneki, opening the window to the fire escape. "So it was you distracting me from wedding planing! Ayato, prepare to half die again!"

^^.

"Hello, Kaneki! I'm ho- WHAT'S GOING ON!" yelled Hide, coming in the door.

"Ayato was screaming on the fire escape, so I broke half his bones." replied Kaneki.

"Oh! Okay!" said Hide.

"Hide, you look adorable in that uniform!" said Kaneki.

"Thank you! You look adorable too!" replied Hide.

"Oh my God! Get me out of here!" screamed Ayato.

"I'll help you!" yelled Kaneki, pushing Ayato off the fire escape.

"Good job, Kaneki. Let's go for a walk!"

^^.

"There they are!" exclaimed Touka."I'll sneak up and grab Kaneki!"

"We can hear you. You're right next to us." said Kaneki "Why are you trying to grab me?"

"Come with us. Both of you, and we'll tell you why." said Shuu.

^^.

"Why did we come to your house, Touka?" asked Kaneki.

"We needed to go somewhere privet." replied Touka.

"Why are you doing this!?" yelled Kaneki.

"Because we hate Hide so muck i-it flame-flames. Flames on the sides of my face, brea-breathel-breathing, heaving breaths, heathing." said Shuu.

"Why do you hate me?" asked Hide.

"Because you stole Kaneki!" yelled Touka.

"No one stole me. I chose Hide."said Kaneki.

"Get outta my 'ouse!" yelled Touka. "You too, Shuu!"

^^.

"Well, that was weird!" said Kaneki when they got home.

"That's for sure!" replied Hide."Is Ayato still on the ground next to the building?"

"Yep, he's still there." said Kaneki. "Hey Ayato, you alive?'

"Barely!" cried Ayato.

"I'll make you some dinner, Hide."

^^.

"Let's watch late night TV." said Hide, after he was done eating.

"Alright. What should we watch?" asked Kaneki.

"Keenan and Kel!" said Kel, appearing next to them. I mean the guy at the desk at Good Burger.

Kaneki shrugged. "Keenan and Kel it is!"

"I'll join you!" said Ayato, appearing next to Hide.

"And us." said Touka and Shuu, appearing next to them.

"Family movie night! Ahhhh! Kel!" yelled Juuzou, coming in the door.

Everyone laughed and watched Keenan and Kel for the rest of the night.


	6. Chapter 6: Touka is a Wedding Planner!

Kaneki woke up on the couch next to Hide, Shuu, Touka, Ayato, Kel the guy at the desk at Good Burger, and Juuzou. There was and pillows everywhere.

 _How am I ever going to clean this all up?_ he thought, getting up and slowly cleaning up the popcorn.

"I'll help you!" cried Shuu, jumping up and picking up popcorn.

"Me too!" said Touka, picking up pillows.

 _Are they mind readers...?_ thought Kaneki.

"Yes we are!" said Touka and Shuu together.

"I don't remember setting my clock alarm to cleaning!" yelled Ayato, waking up.

"GET UP AND HELP US!" screamed Touka.

"Alright sisbro... I'm cleaning..." said Ayato, jumping up and starting to clean.

"What's going on?" said Hide.  
"We're cleaning up this mess!" screeched Touka. " What does it look like, dumb ass?"

"Wha-What? I think I have a hangover..." whispered Kel the guy at the desk at Good Burger.

"You didn't even drink last night!" said Kaneki, confused.

 **2 hours later**

"Juuzou still hasn't woken up yet." said Kaneki, after all his other guests left.

"Is he dead?" asked Hide.

"No, he's still alive said Kaneki, checking his pulse

"Hey! I've got an idea!" said Hide. "Throw him off the fire escape!"

"Great idea!" said Kaneki, opening the window to the fire escape. "Touka! Shuu! Get out of there!"

"Sorry, we-" Touka began. "Bye!"

Touka and Shuu then ran away.

"Well, here is goes!" said Kaneki, throwing Shuu of the fire escape.

"Ahhh! Some random building!" yelled Jouzou, falling to the ground.

"How about breakfast?" asked Hide. "I'm staving."

"Oh yeah! I forgot you had to eat!" said Kaneki.

^^.

"I've got to go to work. Do more wedding planing!" said Hide, rushing out the door.

 _Alright then._ thought Kaneki. _Kel_ _the guy at the desk at Good Burger will be our best man..._

"Kaneki?'

"Ahh! Stop scaring me!" cried Kaneki.

"Whatever, you need some help?" said Touka Kirishima.

"Sure. I haven't figured out where the wedding should be..."answered Kaneki.

"Hill House. Duh!" replied Touka.

"Oh, alright. I'll make reservations." said Kaneki.

"I've got to pee so... yeah." said Touka, leaving kaneki to go to the bathroom.

"Hey Touka! I reserved it!" said kaneki, walking to the bathroom door. "Oh my God... Haven't you people ever heard of... Closing the goddamn door?! No! It's much better to face these kind of things with a sense of-"

"Sorry! I forgot I wasn't alone!" said Touka, pulling up her pants.

"You don't close the door to the bathroom when you're alone?" whimpered Kaneki.

"Well, no. Anyway... Back to the wedding planning... So they they let you reserve the house?"

^^.

I'm home, Kanek- What's she doing here?!" said Hide, coming in the door.

"She was helping me wedding plan." said Kaneki. "She helped me find out where the wedding is going to be!"

"Oh... Where is the wedding going to be?" asked Hide.

"Hill House off route 44." answered Touka.

"Kel, sorry, the guy at the desk at Good Burger is going to be our best man." said Kaneki.

"Great. I'm tired. I'm gonna crash." said Hide.

"I'll go home then.." said Touka.

"Alright Hide. Let's sleep." said Kaneki.


	7. Chapter 7: Clue the movie references

"Hide, wake up! It's our wedding day!" yelled Kaneki. "We're getting married! Get dressed and have breakfast! Or the other way around, I don't care!"

^^.

"Come on, Hide! Your hair doesn't have to be perfect!" said Kaneki, dragging Hide by the collar out of the apartment building.

They walked out of the building and got into a car that Hide suddenly owns.

"We're going to have bad luck." said Kaneki.

"Why?"

"You saw the bride."

"Whatever."

^^.

"We are gathered here today to marry... Some a... People! What are the names again?" said the minister.

"Ahhh! Some random minister!" screamed Juuzou.

"Anyway, kiss each other and let this be done with!" said the minister.

Kaneki and Hide shrugged, and then kissed, putting rings on each other's fingers.

Now let's go to the reception!" said the minister. "I'm hungry!"

^^.

"After the reception, everyone was called to the study.

"Hello. Here are some lethal weapons. Use them well. Oooooo! Spooookkkky!" the minister said, pointing to a wrench, a candlestick, a gun, a dagger, a rope, and a lead pipe. Then he collapsed.

"He's dead!" said Kaneki, taking his pulse.

"Maybe he was poisoned!" shouted Ayato, pointing to Juuzou who was drinking wine (even though he's underage).

Juuzou started screaming his head off.

"Stop!" said Ayato, slapping Juuzou. Everyone started to stare at him. "I had to stop his screaming."

Suddenly, the power went out.

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

"Okay, let's split up to find into groups of two to find th-" started Ayato, interrupted by the power turning back on.

"AHHH!" screamed Juuzou, pointing.

Everyone looked to where he pointed.

"It's the cook! She has a dagger in her back!" said Ayato.

"We can see that, idiot." said Touka.

"I'm calling the police." said Ayato, picking up his cellphone. "Hello, police? Could you come to Hill House in like, fifteen minutes? Okay, good."

"Why fifteen?" asked Hide.

"I don't know!" answered Ayato.

"Can I leave?" asked Kel the guy at the desk at Good Burger.

"No! Let's just wait here for fifteen minutes! By that time, the police will be here! And there are two dead bodies in the study!" yelled Shuu.

The power went out again.

"AHHHHHH!"

"Clang! Clang!"

"It's the doorbell!" whispered Kaneki.

"Well who ever it is the got to go away or they'll be killed!" said Hide.

Juuzou grabbed the gun and opened the door.

"I. Am. Your singing telegram!" sang a girl hopping in the door.

"AHH! Some random singing telegram!" Juuzou screamed.

"Bang!"

"The girl is dead!" yelled Ayato, taking her pulse. "Who shot her?"

"Johnny's dead!" yelled Juuzou. "I killed him!"

"She's not even a him..." said Touka.

"Why did you kill her?" asked Ayato. "Her music wasn't that bad."

"Come on, Hide." said Kaneki. "Let's go home."

 **That's the end of this fic. Did you get the Clue (the movie) reference/ quotes? What about the Outsiders? I might make a sequel to this fic so, this may not be the end. Well for now, goodnight.**


End file.
